Destruction
by BloodyMarry
Summary: His leaving was the end. But it was also the beginning. The beginning of the destruction of Bella Swan. She was changed the night he left, into a demon like him, a vampire. BellaxEdward Set during New Moon. Rating may go up later. Beware.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

**X**

He was gone, he'd left me. But I couldn't stop following after him. I heard a noise somewhere behind me and I clung desperately to the hope that it was him. I had been walking for so long now. So long, it could have been forever, or minutes, or days, I wasn't sure.

Things happened to quickly for my mind to register them. I was spun, pulled and torn. Rain flowed freely and carelessly down my bloodied neck. I screamed, but it couldn't be heard over the roar of the angry thunder around me

I felt the air escape my lungs. I reached my hand out, desperate now. A haze took me over, and I couldn't think straight. What was happening? This couldn't be real.

"Edward?" I felt my legs give out from underneath me. My skin erupted into flames, I heard screaming. It was bloodcurdling, and terrifying. I felt the air ripple around me, and thunder boom in the empty space surrounding me.

My blood boiled, it was unbearable. The pain that had my heart plummeting only moments before was crushed and thoroughly trashed by the pain I felt now. More screams. Who was screaming?

I felt my throat, it was raw, dry. I felt like I was tearing. My skin was dry, and cracking. It was peeling, like it had been burned. Only this wasn't a sunburn, my skin was being torched.

I looked down, scared and screaming. I touched the skin, but it wasn't burning. It wasn't black and falling apart like I'd thought it would be. It was pale, and thin like it always had been, unthreatening in every manner of the word.

I scratched at the skin, the burn. It wouldn't leave. It wouldn't go away. I fell back onto the leaves below me. My brain slowed and throbbed. I closed my eyes against the pain surrounding me.

Why couldn't I just die? This unbearable pain, seeping into my very core and expanding. Why couldn't it just end?

I felt cold hands take my arm. I wished desperately that it was my Edward. But he'd already gone. Hours, days, months before. I couldn't be sure. Time hadn't mattered to me, not since he'd left me.

"Edward! Make it stop!" I cried desperately as I scratched furiously at my arms, screaming and writhing in his strong steel-like arms trying to tear the burning flesh off of me.

"It won't _ever _stop," a silky voice purred in my ear. Marble fingers ran over my face, I could feel the cold prickle on my flaming skin.

"Please," I felt something inside me break. My heart pumped fast, unbelievably so. It almost _hurt_. "God, please. Kill me," I reached out and pulled at whatever part of him that I could get at.

"I am," the voice. I heard it clearer now that I wasn't screaming. It wasn't my Edward.

I felt my hope die then, break in half like a brittle leaf in fall. It was almost like it had been something tangible, or solid inside of me that snapped. Maybe it was my heart.

It had died with whatever else that hadn't burnt to ashes now.

The burning moved from my limbs slowly, sluggishly, taking its time in devouring me.

"Stop. _Please_," I begged sobbing, but it was drowned out by more of the thunder, though it was a blurred noise. Like the wind rushing around me. The pain became too much, I couldn't breathe, I was burning with an intensity that put every other pain to shame.

I would die, a thousand times over to end this. Nothing could be worth this. I wanted to end. To have never been born. I wished that my existence would cease, that I would suddenly fall off the planet and strangle with no air.

I wanted desperately to be in some television drama, sitting in a hospital bed with someone standing over me, and a pillow pressed to my face. I wanted to be smothered, I wanted to die. I wanted to end. I wanted to drown in the flames and burn quickly so that this would just finish, be done with me.

And I thought I had gotten my wish, but I of course hadn't, when had anything ever gone my way? Blackness came like the grim reaper, all encompassing and drowning, like death in disguise, and it seeped into my mind. It took me over, and mercifully so.

I don't know how many times I came back to my conciseness, but whenever I did, I wished I hadn't. I wanted to seep back into my temporary evasion. I was convinced now, that I had died.

I was never meant to be with Edward. He was an angel, a messenger of God- no he had been a God. And I had been nothing but a black mark on his heart. I had broken some unspoken restriction in the universal rule book.

I had died and I had gone to _hell_.

This was all it could be. This never ending burn. I was damned to burn for my sins against perfection itself.

I had stopped screaming, no one was coming to save me. No one cared to. I had committed the greatest of sins. I had loved an angel.

My darkness came back, my oblivion, my only escape. The burning though only intensified, however impossible it seemed, and it now encased only my desperately beating heart. It was devouring the last of me. And in the most torturously painful way, slower and more intense than any of the burning before.

I felt myself give in the blackness. I couldn't take this pain, I was nowhere near strong enough for this.

The next time I awoke I still felt the burning. Only this was far less enveloping. It was a concentrated flame, dry and ageless that stuck to the back of my throat. It lived there now, I realized.

All the rest of the fire seemed to have gone out. But I was afraid, if I moved now, what would happen?

I was only still this way for moments, or hours, I couldn't be too sure anymore. I realized though that there was no noise. Not only was I not making even the slightest of noises, my insides weren't either.

My heart. I realized with some sinking anguish that it was gone.

It was dead. It had stopped beating. Maybe the first level of hell was over. Maybe I was doomed to the second now. I had only gone through one ring, the easiest of them all.

If that had been the easiest though, the initiation, then I was frightened at what would happen next. What on earth, or in hell, could be worse then the burning that still lingered inside my dead body?

My limbs seemed to move of their own accord. But I hadn't ordered them to. Of course I hadn't, too afraid, the poor frightened girl that I was would have never moved on her own.

The noise that startled me wasn't the slamming of a door, or the cocking of a gun, or the screaming of a murderous demon. It was the sudden breathe of a body near mine.

But it was so loud. So _impossibly _loud.

The next I knew I was crouched against a wall, I didn't have to look to feel that it was stone, cold and hard.

I gasped though when it registered in my quick moving mind that something was terribly _wrong_.

My site, it was so clear, unbelievably so. The woman standing before me was beautiful, monstrous and so inexplicably clear that I could count the lashes on her eyes. I could see the flecks of terrible crimson in the flat black of her hungry inhuman eyes.

The flame of vibrant curls on her head were wild, beautiful and dangerous. Every movement she made, however slight registered into my new fast thinking mind. She had the body of a predator.

I heard a chillingly deep and angry snarl, accompanied shortly and a deep, powerful growl. I stilled, had that been her? But the hearing I now had told me that it was wrong.

I blinked however unnecessarily. It had been _me_.

She stood much like me, low, crouched. Only her stance wasn't exactly like mine. She wasn't leaning towards me, she wasn't waiting to strike. She was leaning back, with her hands before her, ready to block. She was defending herself against _me_.

But who was she? What did she want with me?

I snarled once again, and bared my teeth. A blurry, and distant memory returned to me. I knew her face. I knew her flaming hair and feline grace. No matter how unclear my old memories were right now, I knew I recognized her. She was Victoria.

She had hunted me, she had tried to kill me.

It dawned on me then, she _had _killed me. Only in not the way that I had expected.

I heard her growl, and then I lost it. I pounced. I felt my body spring with grace that a human could never even begin comprehend and in less than a second I had her in my grasp. I ripped, I tore and I bit.

She tried to fight me off, but I was quick. Too quick. And far too strong for her. There was no blood, to my disappointment. But I didn't bother to care for long.

She was _mine _now.

_My _victim.

_My _prey.

_My _kill.

**X**

**A/N: **Not your usual Bella gets changed into a vampire by Victoria, I hope? Please review so that I know if you think the story is heading a good direction, of if I should continue it at all. Thanks for taking the time to read.

Also, before I go, I must say that I started a new Twilight forum. You can do all sorts of fun things there, like role play characters, play games, and chat with other fan, post fan fiction or fanart…basically anything. haha So please, go by my profile here and you'll find the link to it. Check it out, I have no members, I just finished it today. J I hope you'll give it a chance!

_I hope you decide to review!_

.Bloody.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

**X**

My teeth, like razors, tore into the soft and vulnerable skin of the wild cat in my arms. I moved quickly, efficiently, and I drained the poor creature swiftly.

The burn had not subsided by much and I turned to the rest of the scattering beasts. The female I took next, before reaching and grabbing a much larger one. It fought back more furiously than the others but it didn't last long, of course it didn't.

When I pulled my mouth away from the dead beast I let it drop limply to the ground, I thanked it for it's life and then moved with a speed that could not be seen by eyes of anyone other than someone like me.

By a _thing _like me.

I no longer let my instincts guide me, I knew what I was doing. My every move was calculated, controlled, and planned. I wasn't a slave to my instincts, or bloodlust like few other vampires I'd seen in my short years of "living."

The small room I now lived in was bare to say the least. Empty, like I me. Cold, and sparse in human-like qualities. Hollow even.

I moved to the smudged, dirty mirror in the small room of my current abandoned "home." I looked at myself, almost disgusted, but not quite so.

My hair was long, luscious and beautiful. Dark, warm it fell in waves over my shoulders and back. My face, perfectly shaped to that of a heart, sit like porcelain on my slender neck. Unblemished, and pale. Perfection.

My eyes were a bright, vibrant shade of gold, though if you looked closely there was nothing there. They were vacant and shallow. They were framed by thick dark lashes, long and fanning gracefully, tickling the skin under my brows.

My lips were red, and even stained in blood they were the epitome of sin. Full and curved in a way that made them seem almost unreal. My features were sharp, but womanly and inviting. They were more defined then I could have ever wished they could be when I was still a human.

My body had changed along with my transformation, and any woman would kill for what I had now. I hadn't grown taller, or really I couldn't be sure that I had, I had never checked. Uninterested was I in the changes that I allowed no other human-like being to see.

My breasts had grown to give me the shape of a woman, they matched the subtle dip in my sides that depicted the curves of a goddess. My pale, flat stomach showed no markings or signs of age. Tight and taunt, like all my body.

My legs seemed endless, the muscles found there were my tools for survival. They were agile and quick, like all of me. They had saved me from both the temptation of human blood, and the greedy eyes of any being that got near.

I was no one's. I was not even my own. I turned from the mirror. Unwilling to look at myself any longer. I was a monster now.

I was nothing but an empty shell, disgusting and cold. My skin was hard, marble-like and white. I was a void, abhorrent shell of what had once been Isabella Marie Swan.

She had been beautiful, tragically so. She had been so human it hurt. So perfect in all her imperfections. She had loved, and she had hurt. She had belonged to an angel, and she had devoted herself to him.

She had lived.

And I was dead. Everything inside me was dead. Her angel was my demon, I could never have him. He was a faint memory that stabbed at me, a blurred reality of a broken heart. I would always want him, but he didn't belong to me. He belonged to Bella Swan.

I once would have cried at these thoughts. I had been a broken thing. A pathetic excuse for an immortal- things hadn't changed much, even now. I had starved myself when I was younger, weaker. I had tried to die in anyway possible. But I was never willing to expose myself to anyone.

If Edward ever saw what I had become he would be sick with grief. He would not know how to live with himself. And he would hate me for it. I would never go to the Volturi to end my "life," I wouldn't go to anyone. I would not ever risk hurting him.

I gracefully lowered myself onto the protruding sill at my window, the stone under me was no comfort, I could not feel it like my human self could. The scrape that it would have given my bare legs then, could never be felt now.

Edward. It hurt terribly to even think his name, but I forced my arms to stay by my sides, I had stopped the habit of wrapping them around my torn torso years ago. It did nothing to stall the pain, or the breaking dam inside me threatening daily to burst and overwhelm me.

My agony was a slow and torturous thing, and he was it. He was killing me in a way that would take centuries to finally burn through me. But I deserved it.

In my human life I had clung so desperately to him, someone which I had never deserved, which I still didn't now. He was absolute perfection, an angel among ready and willing disciples.

I lifted my hand, the long and elegant pale fingers attached to it pressed against the freezing glass. But I felt almost nothing. I closed my eyes and decided to pretend. I didn't do it often, afraid that it would cause a hurt to great to handle, but sometimes I couldn't help myself. Like now.

I sighed and let my mind settle and then I gave in.

I was human again, I imagined how the cold glass would bite at my fragile skin. An even colder hand would wrap itself around mine, I would gasp at the frighteningly perfect sensation and turn to stare up at him.

He was beautiful. No the word only marred what he truly was. He was beyond any word that had ever been thought of. He was unspeakable, he was more than emotion, or being, he was everything.

He was my Edward. Because I was Bella Swan again, the illusion that he really was mine was there and I believed it with all my beating heart.

He leaned down and pressed his cold lips to mine in a sweet kiss, they molded perfectly against mine, almost like they were made to fit me. Blood rushed to my cheeks, and my heart beat a dangerous rhythm. My breath hitched in a way that was almost painful.

"My Bella," he would say, and when he pulled away he would be smiling the crooked smile that made my entire being ache with want for him.

"Edward," I breathed. I felt a pain that I feared would never leave me. Only now that I had allowed myself to dream, it was worse. I gasped unnecessarily.

He was too good, too perfect, too much for even an immortal like me. I opened my painfully inhuman eyes and pressed my forehead against the unforgiving glacial glass of the broken, dirt caked window.

He had left me, not loving me. He had realized finally that the human Bella was unworthy, imperfect, and dangerous to his existence. I deserved my cursed life for ever hurting him. His leaving me in the woods that night had been my punishment for ever believing that I could ever deserve him. For ever daring to touch him, hurt him, love him.

I struggled for the air I didn't need. It was so painful. So unbelievably hurtful, aching, afflicting to my entire self. My soul continued to burn, my heart- however unresponsive- continued to burn. I would always need him.

He was everything, even in this new life. Even if he didn't belong to me. No matter what I said to myself to make it clear I had no claim on him, I would always need him. He was everything.

God, but I was pathetic, disgusting, a shadow of what Bella Swan had been. If he couldn't love her, he would never love me.

But I was selfish creature. I was filled with aches that I could no longer deny, could no longer ignore. They filled my very soul, my core, my every limb, muscle and pore was filled to the brink. And it was becoming too much for me to take.

My monstrous, and disastrous selfishness demanded that I find him. That I beg him. That I plead with him, my poor heart could take no more battering. No more pain.

I was by nature a selfish thing. And I could no longer deny that nature.

In less than half a second, or less even I stood from the window, and I was gone. I had to find him.

I had to see him again. I couldn't go another moment without at least hearing him. Even if all he had to say to me were words of hate, of despising fury and disgust. I didn't care anymore.

I just needed him. My angel, my light, my hope, my Edward. My everything.

**X**

**A/N: **God, this is a lot heavier than I had intended at first. I hope no one hates it.

_I hope you decide to review!_

.Bloody.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

**X**

I looked down at the sleek black piano, I lifted my pale hand to the keys where dust had collected on them. It was still as beautiful now as it had been years ago.

The memories attached to it were more beautiful than even I was. My eyes closed and for a moment I let myself linger in the old memories. I could almost hear my lullaby. I could also feel the coolness radiating off Edward's skin and seeping into my still warm flesh.

The dark piano remained silent though, there was no lullaby to hear now, my fingers dropped silently from the keys as I walked slowly away. It was mostly empty, naked, as if no one had ever lived here.

But there were some signs of their life left behind; the piano, the old couch in the living room, a few things left here and there. Random items of clothing, pens strewn on abandoned desks. But nothing that was at all indicative of the peoples who's once lived here.

If my heart still beat I was sure it's pace would be slow, laborious and painful.

I caught scents here and there, but they were faded and picked over by other scents I didn't recognize. It was a mass of smells that invaded my nose, but it was no more invasive than any other abandoned home I'd entered.

I entered Edward's old room, my hand planted firmly on my abdomen, ready for whatever was to come. I could smell him now. It was strong on the old couch here.

It was vanilla, sweet and pure, with a hint of floral though it was more woodsy, even a bit musky- inherently male. It was strong, and spoke of power, it made my legs weak.

I clutched the doorframe and within seconds I heard it crack. My hand pulled back and I forced myself to leave, with something resembling sobs trying to push their way out from my throat.

**X**

The female before me, blonde, slender and pale had eyes of the purest gold and they were narrowed on me now.

"Who are you?" the woman asked, I clenched my fist. I hadn't had contact with any other being in years, and it had crippled my patience and sociability.

"I've told you that it doesn't matter," I tried not to sound threatening, I didn't need her hating me.

"_Please_," I began again, this time with an a clearly desperate voice, pleading even. "I need to find them."

"Tanya…" the one known as Kate said from behind the blonde, the obvious leader.

She seemed to be thinking it over at least, her narrowed eyes were calculating, if not a little suspicious. But she must have found whatever it was she'd been searching for in me, her facial features softened and her stance relaxed.

"The last I heard they were all together in Florida, with a family friend but he's already gone back to Maine where his coven is. He's the only one who could tell you _definitively _where their vacation home is," Kate hissed from beside her and I forced myself not to respond. I realized suddenly that there was a small smile on my face. I couldn't remember the last time I'd smiled.

"Thank you," with a slight bow of my head I was gone. I would remember to properly thank the Denali clan when I'd found him again. Even if things didn't go well.

Maine it was then.

**X**

The wind blew around my body in harsh gusts, bending trees and uplifting roots. The debris around me hardly registered in my unresponsive mind. The chill that crept through me had nothing to do with the gale force winds.

I was in the middle of a hurricane, following after what news I could drag up about the Cullen family. Their secluded beach house stood behind me, the green tin roof was coming off on one end.

I could hear it cracking and whipping around thunderously through the roaring wind, it's cries were clear, almost as if I were standing right next to it.

The wind howled a sorrowful song, mirroring only some of what raged on inside me. I heard the snapping, and splitting of trees. I heard the harsh and wretched crash of the waves on the rocks. And the sounds of cars being tossed on sand coated roads miles from here.

I could head all manner of signs pulling out of asphalt roads, and flying into the windows of countless homes and buildings. The ruined and terror sculpted streets were full of the sweet and desperately beautiful destruction that was nature.

It was tearing the place up, everything inside this tiny almost abandoned town. I was surprised that it was still standing, the merciless and seemingly endless torrent of wind and rain and debris were leaving only desolation and destruction in it's wake.

This hurricane was deadly, and anything in it's way was sure to suffer. To die.

Except me.

I was burning up. Every part of me was screaming, reaching out and searching so desperately through the remains of a life once lived that the echoing reminders of the ones I once loved ripped at my insides.

If I wasn't careful there would be nothing left of me when this search came to it's painful end.

The rain pelted me in what would be a blisteringly painful way to anyone without skin like mine.

I closed my eyes against the scene in front of me. The bare beach, missing sand and covered in sea foam. The angry ocean in front of me was beautiful in a way that could only be described in emotions. No true words.

It held the promise of a slow death, of sure and terrible pain. I thought for a moment that the almost tsunami sized waves were reach for something better than this life.

They wanted death like I did. They wanted their eternal fires extinguished. They cried their overwhelming pain and plead to the Gods. They were so cold, and lonely. So desolate that they couldn't take their lives any longer.

My heart ached for them. Those waves would forever crash against the earth, and they would forever be alone. And yet they would always plead with what was so unsure.

They were doing exactly what I was. Searching for something more. Searching for something so far out of their reach that it hurt.

The wind blew to the point where what was left of the sand moved out from under me pushing me back, though it was hardly even half an inch. I wished for a moment to let go. I wanted to dive into the sea. So angry, and hurt. It was just like me. And yet it was stronger. So painfully stronger.

Maybe it could kill me. Or at least deaden my own stabbing afflictions.

I could end things now. But I wouldn't dare. Not after exposing myself. Not after weeks of hunting for even the barest of hints of them. I'd gotten lucky back in Maine.

I'd found who Tanya had told me about. She'd given me a rough idea of where he lived and from there I searched him out. It wasn't hard considering there weren't many vampire's in Maine.

It was a weird feeling to be around others like me, but I didn't hate it. Even if I didn't know them, there was some comfort in thinking that I wasn't totally alone in the world.

Even if they weren't exactly my "kind." They weren't what the Cullen's had liked to call "vegetarians," they drank human blood and killed humans without much thought about the lives they took. Though they weren't too unkind, and they were more civil then I'd expected them to be.

I forced my feet to turn me away, the Cullen summer home was missing it's second story porch now. Not that they'd be returning soon. They'd only left three and a half weeks ago.

They'd gone to Italy. I'd come to the summer home having no other option, the Cullen's hadn't told the vampire, who I later learned was named Rhett, where they'd be going next.

I'd searched the large expanse of the beach home, and found one crumpled airport brochure. It was for Italy. My only clue as to where they might _possibly _be.

The hope I found in that small weaved basket serving as a trashcan was crushing in it's intensity. I couldn't deny that I needed them.

Not until I'd fully acknowledged that fact that I needed them all, did I really feel the strain their absence had truly done to me. The destruction it had cause.

Every time I thought of them and their heartbreakingly beautiful faces, or their soft trance-inducing voices, or exquisitely traditional names did it feel like I was falling apart at the seams.

I needed them. Not just Edward. But them all. They were my family.

They each held a piece of what was left of my heart. It was agonizingly painful to think that they could each so easily shatter those pathetic shards that had once been a heart. My heart.

I needed them more than anything else in the world. They were a part of me that was missing and I wanted them back. So I would go to them, find them as soon as I could.

And so to Italy I would go. Looking for something that could possibly hurt me more than I could ever hurt myself. The misery they could cause me was Herculean in its capabilities, but it didn't make me want to see them any less.

**X**

I took what money I had left from what I'd saved for my college fund when I was human. I'd worked at _Fork's Outfitters _for the Newton family. I had spent the past three years of my life learning control and gaining a hold on all my human memories, committed to never forgetting a one of them.

The money was enough for one way. I would not be coming back to America for a while if I didn't find them. But I wouldn't worry, I had faith that I would find the Cullen Clan.

The flight over, I concentrated on not looking at the staring humans. I didn't have much of a desire to drain them, I'd hunted before leaving, but I didn't want to test my boundaries. I hadn't been this close to this many humans in years, not since I'd been a human myself.

We'd gotten to France early in the morning. I'd been forced to wrap myself in a coat before leaving the Airport. I couldn't go walking down the street sparkling like some gaudy engagement ring. It would attract far too many stares.

I'd stolen the first car I'd found. I felt bad, but I would return it, or at least that was my intention. I didn't know what kind it was, but it was small, black and fast. Not too flashy with it's practically black tinted windows, but not too plain either. I needed speed for what I was trying to do.

I of course didn't know my way around, but I'd gotten maps and followed signs as best I could. Not knowing any language from France to Italy had of course hindered my speed, but I had eventually taken to running. Driving felt too awkward, I hadn't driven since (again) my human years.

I had seen once on a map where the Cullen home was in Italy, I didn't know the name of the town it was located in, or even near, but I had seen it on a map. And looking at the one in my hand I knew that it was one near the middle of the "boot."

I scoured the lands, smelling far too many different scents. A good bit of them even vampire. But I figured that was mostly do to the Volturi. I had only heard in passing once about the Volturi, Esme had been speaking to Carlisle over my last summer, about them. I hadn't been sure why, but they had continually looked at me during the conversation.

I had one scent memorized, one that could lead me anywhere. Edwards. The strong vanilla and musk, almost overpowering in it's sweetness. I was sure to never forget it. And I never wanted to.

I was somewhere miles and miles outside south Rome when I caught the scent. It was faint, almost completely covered. But I knew it was him. My Edward.

I was relentless in my search, it took weeks, but I never once gave up. I was so close. I wasn't a tracker, not by any means. I lost it many times, and had to back track even more, but I kept a good hold on it.

The heat here, in these hunting grounds was oppressive though I could hardly tell, the trees above me were thick and lush, they kept the sun from my exposed skin.

I was so close now. I even recognized the other's scents, or at least traces of them, I didn't know who's belonged to whom, but all I need to know that it was theirs.

I imagined in some parts of my mind, that weren't concentrated on the hunt, the different ways each of them might greet me. It only made a sense of unease blossom like some sickness inside me.

What if they rejected me? What if they were disgusted by me? Repulsed, sick with grief at the loss of the human Bella?

Suddenly a gust of wind so strong hit me, stopping me in my tracks. The almost warm and welcoming scent of rose, and rain engulfed me. My eyes went wide when I saw _her_.

She was beautiful, shining in a short and flowing off-white sundress. Her hair was long, dark and twirling around her in little wisps with the breeze. She was out in a small garden holding a basket full of flowers.

"Esme," I heard myself say in a small, cracked voice.

Her head snapped up immediately. The basket in her hands fell, the red flowers in her basket lay now across the bright green grass in a splayed pattern.

I couldn't move, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't do anything but stare at her. She was like an angel, something bright in the darkness that had drenched my life and soaked into everything that was me.

I felt my body weaken, like it was giving up. Like I'd been hit by tons and tons of some powerful stone, and it was beating the strength out of me.

My knees collided with the soft dirt under me in the state of shock I was in. I couldn't believe that I'd done it. I'd found them. The dry sobs ripped through me, tore at my insides and shattered the quiet around us.

I felt almost _warm _arms wrap around me and pull me close. I closed my eyes and took in her inviting scent. She was holding so tightly, I was sure it would crush a human, but for me it was almost heaven.

It was like I was a starving beggar, desperate and dying. Her arms around me were my cure, my salvation. I felt her body shudder against mine, her nonexistent tears mingled with my own. I hadn't been happier in as long as I could remember.

She pulled away first, her strong but almost soft hands lifted and pressed onto my face. Her dark gold eyes were searching, frantic and pained. She examined my every feature with a slow sort of deliberation.

"Oh, Bella," she bit her lip and looked into my eyes for the first time. I felt the hole that had ripping through my chest soften, she was filling it in.

"I'm sorry," I whispered against her neck as I pushed myself back into her. I didn't want to leave her arms yet, I didn't want her to let go of me. She was the closest thing I had to a mother now, and I couldn't possibly bear to leave the safety of her embrace.

She gasped, but I didn't let her go on, "I'm so sorry. For everything. Oh, _God_, I'm sorry," I spoke in a despairing pleading sort of way.

"For what?" she practically whispered, she sounded so hurt. I had done this. To all of them. I was such a bad person. I had caused the Cullen family so much pain. I would never be able to take it all back, I was a horrible monster.

"I hurt you all so much. I hurt Edward. And now look at me. He's going to…" I choked on my words, unable to finish the thought. He would be so sad, so hurt that I hadn't been able to keep my promise. I hadn't been able to stay out of trouble. I'd gotten myself killed. Turned into something Edward had never wanted for me.

I seemed to have left her speechless, but I didn't care, so long as she didn't force me out of her hold that I so desperately needed.

"Oh, sweetheart," she mumbled into my hair as she pressed her face into the soft tresses. She breathed in deeply and squeezed me even closer to her body.

"Bella?" my body stiffened and I felt my breath leave me at the sound of his voice. If I had a living heart it would be beating so furiously now that it would have broken out of the confines of my chest.

"Edward."

**X**

**A/N: **I left it on a cliff hanger, I'm sorry. But it just has to be. The more reviews I get the faster I will update. I hope I didn't rush this chapter, I tried not to, but I couldn't help it. I just missed the Cullen's so much! (Just imagine how Bella felt!)

Due to the great reviews I got, I didn't want to make you guys wait any longer. So as a treat, I posted the next chapter. I'm really excited, please tell me what you think of it, I would love to know if you think it's going in the right direction! Thank you so much!

_I hope you decide to review!_

.Bloody.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

**X**

"_Edward."_

…

A deep intake of breath was all the warning I had before Esme let go of me, the air in my lungs abandoned me. I felt my body go completely rigid from the sudden onslaught of vanilla. His scent.

It surrounded me in such a wonderfully suffocating way that if I died then I would die happier than I had ever dreamed of being.

My entire being ached so suddenly and terribly that it was all that I could to stay in place, to not turn and stare at him with wide and painfully hopeful eyes.

It was silent for so long, but I didn't have the courage to turn and look at him. What if he'd changed? What if he had a new life now? Someone new and better that he loved? I hadn't even thought to contemplate these things before, and thinking them now, I panicked. Could I face him?

_No._

Maybe I could turn and run now and none of them would catch me. Maybe seeing only Esme could last me.

But even as I thought it I know that I wouldn't ever do it, just one of them wasn't enough. Simply hearing Edward's smooth, and entrancing voice wasn't enough.

What seemed like hours could have only been seconds, and in those seconds I seemed to have found whatever courage I was sure would abandon me if I didn't use it.

With a dry and frightened sob sticking to the back of my throat I forced myself to turn to see him. I wasn't on my knees anymore, but standing and in full view of him.

I gasped, I wasn't sure if I had heard him do the same the same.

He was beyond stunning. With my new sight I could see everything and more. He was more beautiful than I'd remembered. He was almost unreal. Every detail of him took me by surprise and made me fall deeper into the painstakingly disastrous thing that's love.

The light flecks of green in his bright honey colored eyes, the small and unintentional curve of the corner of his mouth- however small- made him even more appealing. The thick but subtle lashes of his eyes, and the perfect arch of his eyebrows, were alluring in ways that I couldn't ever describe.

His defined cheek bones, and strong jaw, the smallest of dimples in his chin and the wild and striking bronze of his wind tousled hair, left me breathless.

I could see now every hidden muscle, or unseen scar on his body. Even standing in the shade his pale skin seemed to glow, though not like any other vampire I'd ever seen.

He looked absolutely perfect, so much so that I cursed my luck in being human all those years ago. Only because I hadn't ever been able to fully appreciate what Edward truly was.

He was the absolute and complete epitome of beauty. Every painter, sculptor and musician in the world had the image of him in mind when inspired, only they weren't lucky enough to know his name. He made muses blush in shame, and left every angel green.

He was made of everything exquisitely angelic in the world, and then some. I felt the crippling urge to touch him. To _feel _him. To reach out and finally know how he'd affect me with my new sense of touch.

If it touched him now he wouldn't be cold, he wouldn't be so hard. He would feel normal to me almost. Or so I hoped. The only other vampire I had ever touched was Esme, only moments ago.

The overwhelming compulsion was so strong that I took unnoticed steps towards him, heart aching like it hadn't in years. This was the worst torture in the world, but the most welcomed.

"Edward," I repeated stunned. The look on his face, I was sure mirrored mine.

I was probably the last person in the world he had expected to see, but I couldn't seem to focus on that. I was far too distracted by the way he seemed to come closer and closer to me by the second.

His stunning eyes seemed to darken some, and I was seemingly fascinated by the change. I lifted my hand to see what more I could do to make those eyes darken for me. And only me.

My two longest fingers reached his face first, they touched onto his cheek bone near the side of his face. His eyes looked so suddenly pained that I almost cried out.

Had I done that?

"_Bella_," he said it under his breath, but I heard it, of course I did. I was confused at first, he seemed so sad. I had thought he'd be anything but sad for me. Angry, furious even, but never sad, and especially not for me. His eyes closed and it looked for a second like he might lean into my touch.

I leaned unconsciously closer to him feeling a pull so strong inside me that it felt like what I imagined a fish felt like when being pulled on a hook. If I resisted it would do no good, and if I gave in everything would be over. All the hurt, and the pain would go away.

So I did.

We were so close that we were breathing each other's air, that our noses would touch at the slightest of movements. My eyes looked intently at his closed ones, counting the lashes, waiting for him to look back down at me.

"I'm sorry," I breathed out suddenly. His eyes opened so quickly that I took a step back shocked at what I saw.

He was so suddenly angry, but I wasn't able to move away from him any further, the distance, however little, hurt. His hand laid on my lower back, he pulled me closer to him. He practically holding me to his body now. The fire in his eyes radiated throughout his entire being, and I could almost feel the heat through the thing material of my shirt.

"Bella, _what_-"

"I've caused you so much pain," I said in a suddenly strained voice, cutting him off. I heard somewhere near me someone heaved a great and painful sob and Edward pulled me so close to his body that our cheeks touched and our bodied pressed fully together.

"You aren't the one who should be sorry," he lifted his arms and wrapped them around me so fully that I felt for the first time in a long time, surprisingly whole.

But I certainly wasn't a strong woman. I'd never been. I can't say that when he held me close, I bravely lifted my arms and hugged him back, that I confessed my love for him. I can't say that I handled it with a grace and beauty befitting my kind.

All I could say was that I was weak. Weaker now than I had let myself be for what seemed like ages.

My body slackened in his hold, and my legs gave out. It was suddenly so hard to breathe, it felt like knives were dragging down my throat and windpipes into my lungs and then up and out again.

My heart felt a burning pain like no other, worse than any I'd felt before, even in my transformation.

His love, his touch and his scent were too much. They were more than I deserved. Hearing his voice, feeling his breath on my face were _too _much. I deserved none of it for what I'd done.

And I continued still to hurt him. I was the worst person, no _thing _in the world and yet here he was. Holding me, wanting to apologize to _me_, forgiving _me_.

He really was an angel.

But I was anything but. Taking advantage of his kindness, I was the worst kind of monster. I felt the cries leave me, ripping my lungs and throat on their way out, breaking the thick silence that had engulfed us.

I loved him so much. So much that it hurt, and his loving me back in any way at all hurt even more.

I needed him so much. And his holding me like this made me feel like he wanted me too, like he hadn't forgotten me or grown to hate me.

I wasn't his Bella Swan, I was a different Bella, but he might still need me. Want me. _Love me_.

The thought alone made me hate myself, but love him even more.

"I'm so sorry, Bella," he pulled back from our embrace, I felt his warm fingers touch my cheeks, brushing away invisible tears. He pushed my long and curled hair away from my face and pressed his lips to my temple.

I was clinging to him, I was probably hurting him, but he let me. His hands held onto the side of my face as he buried his nose in my hair, hugging me closer than before, however impossible it seemed.

I noticed that we had somehow made our way to the ground, much like when I'd hugged Esme, it was my fault again but at least this time we were propped against a tree.

I opened my eyes, wondering if maybe this was an illusion. Maybe I had died somehow. Maybe a vampire had killed me, or I'd finally just drifted off, however absurdly unrealistic.

Maybe I had earned my way into heaven, or possibly even hell. It would be easy to think this a dream if I were human again. But I wasn't. So if this wasn't real, then I was dead. Or I'd lost my mind.

I hadn't realized that I'd said these things aloud until Edward replied, his voice was smoother, deeper than I remembered. It had a comforting and rumbling quality to it, that sent shivers through my body.

"Why would you dream of me in hell?" he spoke so low I even had a hard time hearing him.

I didn't hesitate to answer, "Because if this isn't real…that's my hell."

**X**

I wasn't with Edward anymore, he'd left, but for what reason I didn't know. I hadn't asked, I hadn't had the right to.

They were letting me stay with them, but for how long I once again, didn't know. I hadn't thought it right to ask, and no one had mentioned it. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Alice was holding me now, she and I were two of the only other four vampires in the house now.

There was Esme, who was downstairs with Carlisle, I didn't listen in on their conversation. I forced myself to block it out and listen only to Alice's rhythmic breathing, her thin and delicate fingers running through my hair, and occasionally ruffling the clothes I was wearing as she moved.

"He'll be back soon," I didn't have to look up into her face to see that it was blank. She was having a vision now, her voice was low and even. Alice's scent was relaxing, I wasn't sure exactly what it was made up of, but I knew that I loved it.

There was the underlying aroma of cocoa, but there was a lingering scent of cinnamon. I knew it wasn't hers, but Jaspers as there was a hint of something masculine in it that I knew couldn't be hers. It made sense though that she would smell some like him, they were mates.

I thought for a moment about what I would smell like if Edward were my mate. Would the freesia and vanilla mix and flourish, or would the woodsier quality to his scent mingle with my crisp floral scent? A pang so aching familiar, yet vividly fresh, rippled through me.

It wouldn't ever be, so I shouldn't think it. Not unless I wanted to cause myself anymore harm.

"Edward missed you," Alice whispered in low tones next to my ear.

My eyes clenched shut and my body tensed as I held onto her just a little tighter than necessary.

"He blames himself though for everything that happened," her voice sounded so far away, so distant. It echoed in my mind, and taunted me. The words would not leave me, they would stay to haunt me and torture me.

But I deserved it. I had done Edward so much damage in my short life, I deserved every hit that I had to take.

"We never should have left you," this cut even deeper. They had all left me. But in their leaving, their want to protect me, they had gotten hurt. They had sacrificed themselves, and their feelings for me. And what had I done? I had endangered myself so stupidly, and I had gotten myself killed and turned into a monster.

I was a terrible person, but they loved me still.

"I love you," I whispered into her shirt, I closed my eyes again and let her strong arms comfort me.

"I love you too, Bella," her lips pressed gently onto the top of the dark waves of my chocolate hair.

"_And Edward loves you too."_

Every muscle in my body tensed, I gripped Alice so suddenly that she hissed.

"What did you say?" she gave me a confused glance, her dark gold eyes searching my frantically wide ones.

"Bella, I didn't say anything."

**X**

**A/N: **So another chapter is finished, I think it's a little cheesy, but it's so hard not to write things like this a little over the top sometimes. Forgive me? Ha Ha

But anyways back to celebrating: Yay. I can't believe I'm updating so fast, it'll be harder during the week (I've started school again, ugh), but the reviews will keep me working I know. (:

Thank you all so much for following this story and leaving me with such overwhelmingly kind support. You really don't know how much it means to me.

Also, the twist, Bella's power(s) surface. It's the not the exact same as in the book, but I do take that power and….tweak it a little. I hope that everyone likes my little idea! Ha Ha

_I hope you decide to review!_

.Bloody.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

**X**

"That doesn't make sense," I said lifting my hands and pressing my palms to my closed eyelids as if to would rub the confusion away.

"It doesn't," a deep voice said from beside me. If I were any less aware of my surrounding I would have jumped, but I didn't. It was only Jasper.

"But, she knew what I was _thinking_," Alice pressed, she looked urgently to Carlisle. His soft and light topaz eyes turned onto me and I felt myself relax, it was almost as if Jasper had used his powers on me, but I knew he hadn't.

"I don't know what would make them surface so suddenly, but it's obvious that you have some gift, Bella," I sighed and felt a strong urge to go to Esme. I needed some form of physical contact, I hated being so far away from any of these people.

It was pathetic, but I depended on them so strongly now. It had only been mere hours since I'd gotten here, but the thought of leaving absolutely terrified me.

As if hearing my thoughts I felt a shoulder bump lightly onto mine. I looked up and my eyes met the comforting, but almost sad eyes of Emmett. They were dark, almost black, Edward had left and interrupted Emmett and Rosalie's hunting trip to bring them back here. To help deal with me.

I felt some guilt, but I couldn't deny that I hadn't been happy to see them. Even Rosalie, she didn't look happy to see me, but she didn't seem angry. Emmett though, he had been ecstatic, but I could tell it hurt him to see me like this. My hand reached out suddenly and grasped his, my fingers wrapped urgently around his and he squeezed my hand back gently.

I realized that Jasper was speaking now, I tried to pay attention "-_never _heard of anything like this. She's years into," he coughed and avoided looking at me, before dropping the topic afraid to say what he wanted.

"It just doesn't make sense that it would have taken them this long to surface," he finished lamely as Alice leaned toward him wrapping her hand around his bicept.

"We'll see," Carlisle said before turning to look at me.

"Bella, try again," my hand suddenly gripped Emmett's a little harder, he took in a gulp of rushed air and I looked up at him worried. He grinned down at me in that sweet grizzly teddy bear sort of way that he had. If I weren't so anxious, I could have laughed at the mix of humor and pain I found there.

"I don't think I can," I turned to look uncertainly back at Carlisle. He was smiling at me in a such a warm way I felt something in me splinter. I remembered that smile, I hadn't ever forgotten it, I'd avoided thinking about it for years and here it was again. A painful reminder of what I'd lost, but a welcomed change to the loneliness I'd lived with for what felt like an eternity.

"Just try," he said without faltering, he was so confident and reassuring. I couldn't help but trust his judgment. I couldn't remember how I'd read Alice's mind before, it had been an accident, but I'd still try now.

But how do you make an accident happen?

I stared into his eyes for I didn't know how long, time was a little skewed as I tried to make myself see into his mind. I was getting frustrated, no matter what I did it wouldn't work. Clearing my mind, focusing, imagining, nothing would work.

Agitated I felt air rush out of my lungs in a sort of huff, I heard Alice laugh and I almost turned to glare at her. I was startled though at the odd sense of familiarity I felt. No, I hadn't ever tried to read minds before, that wasn't what this was.

Holding hands with someone who felt like my brother, staring into the eyes of a man who could so easily be my father, and glaring petulantly at a petite brunette who could now pass as my sister without a second thought, felt _familiar_. Though it felt surreal, it was like something in me that had gone missing but had suddenly been found.

My sense of ease, and comfort was crushed though when the door to the warmly decorated room opened. The scent of vanilla and one of strawberries filtered into the room. I stilled, my entire body tensing. Rosalie and Edward were back from where ever they had disappeared to.

"_Edward. Good, he can help her…"_

"_I can't believe he interrupted me for this. I could eat an entire…"_

"_I hope now that Edward's here he can help. He's got to know what's going on here…"_

"_I can feel the pain coming off her in waves…"_

"_Rosie…"_

I gasped at the sudden onslaught, my hand pulled itself from Emmett's grasp and moved to my cup temple as my eyes squeezed shut in pain.

"_Stop_. It's so loud!" I breathed out in a panic. I hadn't realized that I'd hit the back of the wall until a picture frame fell to the floor, sending shattered pieces of glass across the wooden floor.

I felt hands grip my shoulders and lift me from the floor. I knew it was Edward, and a sense of calm flooded me, the thoughts invading my mind simmered and but didn't leave.

I gasped again, my throat had closed up and even though I didn't need the air all my major senses relied on it. It was second nature to always breathe, I relied so heavily on it that I panicked sometimes without it.

"What's wrong with her?" Rosalie said in such a low voice that I almost hadn't even heard it.

"She can read minds. Like Edward," I heard a bell-like voice say. Edward's grip tightened on me, and when I turned my head up to look at him I saw the guarded look he had in his eyes. Like he was almost afraid to look at me.

I felt clawing at my insides and I wished desperately to escape him now. I couldn't take the way that he was looking at me. I blanched and felt something inside my mind snap.

With a strength that I had never felt before in my life I pushed Edward off of me. I felt wild, unrestrained, and free. My mind cleared of all thoughts and emotions. I hadn't realized that I was now fighting off restraining arms until a pain I hadn't ever felt before wracked my entire body.

I screamed as it ripped through me and shook me violently. I heard screaming but it was distant, I was unaware of anything but what I was seeing. But I wasn't seeing things surrounding me, I was seeing things inside me, inside my head.

Flashes of people, different places, unknown faces, catching scents and sights from all over the world. But it all happened in such a rapid succession that I couldn't retain any of the information or details.

I suddenly _felt _though. Not my own torrent of emotions but of other peoples. Worry, confusion, sadness, restricting and unrelenting pains, aches hundreds of years old. I felt love, compassion, hatred and jealously too strong to be my own. I felt the ground shake below me and lightening hot shots of concentrated agony shoot through me.

I didn't have time to contemplate what was happening to me. I was too overwhelmed. I screamed until no noise was able to leave me anymore. I cried, and struggled against restraining arms until my seemingly endless amounts of strength abandoned me.

I didn't pass out, or die like I'd wanted to. But I slipped away very slowly, it felt like a sort of catatonia. I only wished it would last forever, if only to block the mass of destructive emotions hitting me.

**X**

"Carlisle! You can't be serious! We can't take her to them!" I heard an angry bellow vibrate off the walls of the room. It sounded so afraid, angry and it was wrought with so much toil that it hurt to even hear it.

"Look at her Edward," this voice was much calmer, soothing even. I felt my insides relax and my mind slow.

"I refuse to put her in anymore danger!" I realized now that the voice belonged to Edward. Who was he talking about? I remembered the soothing voice and knew that it was Carlisle, I wished desperately to hear him speak again, to make this dull and throbbing ache leave me.

"They won't do anything to her. Not with all of us there," Carlisle argued back. I felt strong hands shift my body and I realized that I was sitting in someone's lap. I would have moved away, or looked to see who it was but I was far too comfortable.

"I won't risk it. I refuse to let anything hurt her," the arms around me tightened and I groaned in response. It hadn't hurt, but it seemed to ground me some. I was more aware of what was happening.

The strong arms around me were Edward's arms. The body under mind was Edward's. The solid stone I clutched was the temperature-less body of my Edward.

"We can find a way to deal with this on our own. We aren't involving the Volturi in this," I heard the vibrations of his voice deep in his chest, the soft rumblings comforted me.

I searched for my voice, it felt lost for some reason, hard to find in the dry burn that was my throat, "Edward," I hardly heard it myself, but I had spoken.

Gentle, nimble fingers lifted and brushed long, unruly bangs from my eyes. They were open now, I hadn't noticed before, but I was looking at Edward now and his face was all I could seem to focus on.

"I'm here," he reassured me before leaning in and pressing a small kiss to my temple. I wished that the kiss meant he loved me, I wished that I could pretend that he wanted me. But I knew that he didn't, he'd made that all too clear years ago. My heart felt flat, stomped on and torn.

"What happened?" I managed to question, though I didn't bother to move from my place in his arms.

"I don't know," his open palm spread out on my forehead and rested in my hairline, his nails for a moment brushed against my scalp and my eyes closed at the simple yet pleasurable sensation.

"Your powers, they're…" Edward trailed off, but I didn't push him for answers, I didn't care right now. I was in his arms, and even if he didn't love me, even if he only felt pity for me, I didn't care. I had craved this spot for as long as I could remember, and here I was. And I would enjoy it.

"Bella, do you have any memory of what happened?" Carlisle questioned me, finally breaking the silence that had settled around us.

"No," I said in a low voice as I turned my head to face Edward's chest, I didn't want to think about what'd happened. I tried to deny the fact that I remembered the pain, the flood of too loud thoughts that were not my own, the disorienting and painful flashes of people in my mind, the vivid and almost palpable emotions that coursed through me, or the overwhelming sense of strength and freedom that had set me on fire.

It was too frightening. But I knew that I couldn't lie to Carlisle, I amended my previous words before he could think to speak again.

"I do remember," and when he asked me to at least try and explain it all, I felt my throat close up. Echoes of the pains coursed through me, my fingers clutched onto Edward's shirt and my eyes shut tight trying to block out the impending onslaught.

"Bella," I heard a lulling noise in my ear, a soft hum, it was deep and resonating, calming to an almost impossible extent.

"You alright?" I hadn't noticed that Edward had stood, taking me from the room with him. We were in a smaller room now, though this one had a bed, with thick inviting comforters and blankets.

We were on the bed now, I was wrapped up in thick blankets and held closely to Edward's chest. Suddenly I felt human again. Not entirely, but the imagination that had never failed to trick me was once again working its magic, weaving in and out of me and playing with my mind.

Edward was afraid of making me cold so he'd wrapped me in blankets, but I'd refused to leave his side so he held me close. Our very different kinds of stubborn, butting heads and warring against one another like always.

I closed my eyes and thought for the briefest and saddest of moments that I would fall asleep now and Edward would stay up all night and watch me sleep. I would dream about him, and speak his name through the darkness calling for him. I would wake up in the morning and blush at his small half smile, that spoke of ageless emotions. We'd kiss, hold each other, and then I'd leave the room to go through my morning (and very human) routines, smiling; happy, and human.

"I promise we'll figure this out, Bella. I'll never leave you on your own again," my heart beat furiously at his words. But I tried hard to block out my hope.

He didn't mean it. He didn't love me. He felt sorry for me. He felt responsible for me. He felt guilty, and angry with himself for my turning out this way.

He didn't love me.

He couldn't love me. If he did though…the thought alone made my insides crumble, if he did love me, then I'd wasted so much time. So many years, and I had gone through so much pain. I had caused so much, and all for nothing. So I couldn't believe it, I wouldn't let myself.

It wasn't real love he felt for me anymore.

A sob I hadn't realized I was holding back ripped it's way out of me and I held onto him more desperately than I knew I should have.

"_Shh_," I heard his attempts to pacify my despairing cries. But nothing helped. This was all so confusing, and painful. How was I supposed to survive this?

Being so close to him, but so far away. Being so in love with him, that every second, every half second, or less was filled with thoughts of him. Of what we'd had together. And what we would never have again.

The pains from whatever curse that had been thrust upon me were like ghosts now, old and forgotten memories compared to the fresh new wounds ripping open. The hole in my chest only seemed to grow, intensify.

His voice slowly entered into my mind. But this wasn't him speaking to me out loud. I wasn't hearing him with my ears. But with my mind.

And he wasn't talking, but singing. Though there were no real words. I recognized the melody almost as soon as I'd heard it.

_My lullaby_. The one that Edward had written for me so long ago. As long as I lived I'd never forget it. Not in my entire life.

"My Bella," Edward whispered in my ear as the lullaby continued on inside my head, soothing me, calming me. The tears that would never escape my eyes seemed to disappear, and the ache in my dead heart seemed to subside, if only a little.

**X**

**A/N: **I think in the next chapter I'll be getting to what her power actually is. I hope this was thoroughly frustrating and confusing. Haha Please don't hate me. But hey, there was some cute Bella/Edward, at least….right? I also plan for the big Edward/Bella talk. You know there has to be one. I mean they aren't just gonna get back together without at least trying to talk! Duh. haha

_I hope you decide to review!_

.Bloody.


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